On Fire Engines

I have another blog called Trying to Wake. It's called that because it's about how Yoga is my way of trying to wake up. I feel like I've been asleep most of my life. I want to experience life. I need to wake up.

I'm addicted to Grey's Anatomy. I love to read. I like stories about other people's lives, other worlds, other experiences. I have to wonder if I'm not just addicted to all these lives I don't live because they include experiences I do not know, which in turn bring with them emotions I do not feel.

I'm a student of Psychology. Thoughts and emotions are my realm.

That quote beneath the title of this blog reads:

"Happy and sad, secure and afraid, elated and miserable, loved and denied, patient and angry, peaceful and wild, complete and empty...all of it. I would feel everything. It would all be mine." (The Host by Stephenie Meyer)

Words of an alien allowed to live a human life. Another being, in fact more human than many actually born human.

In my mind, fully experiencing life means feeling all the emotions that go with life. But do I really need to feel them all? Do I want to feel them all? The fear, being miserable, denied, angry...feeling empty? On one hand I don't want all those negative feelings. On the other, things are good, nothing much of note to tell, but life is good. It's all okay. And to a point I still feel empty.

I don't think I need to feel it all. I just want to feel more.

My life runs like a well-oiled machine. Some people envy me for that. They don't know how I've often wished I could allow a fuse to blow, sparks to fly, everything to grind to a screeching halt. How sometimes, just for a day maybe, I could have a new machine.

A nice bright red fire engine would be nice.