I'm Moving!

I decided to give up my Trying to Wake blog and move to That Yoga Psyche. The new blog will include my thoughts and experiences as a Yoga Teacher-trainee and Psychology grad student, among life in general. Hope to see you there!

I'll be keeping Wickednesse for some fun and random inspiration.

How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways...

We used to kid around in the office about how we were narcissistic. A bunch of intelligent, confident women who all liked how we looked physically. We were achievers. We liked ourselves, or so we proclaimed.

But now I've been trying to figure out if I love myself...and I really don't know. Do you love yourself? Not in any narcissistic or negative way, but can you say that you truly love yourself? What does it even mean to love oneself? How would you know whether you do or not? How do you show it?

I was thinking that markers for me would be:

1. Taking good care of my body
2. Taking good care of and stimulating my mind
3. Really listening to my feelings without always trying to be so rational
4. Doing things I enjoy
5. Standing up for myself, my opinions, desires and beliefs
6. Affirming myself, my being and my self-worth

What more would you add?

I don't know, I think I respect myself a lot, but I have to work on loving myself more. I listen to my mind a lot but maybe I should get to know the rest of me better too...

*cross-posted on Trying to Wake

Perspective Blown Out of This World

I'm sure you've heard that all our daily concerns really shouldn't concern us allthat much, since our lives are but itty-bitty infinitesimal pieces of the happenings in our world and in the life of our planet. Granted. Hearing that gave me some perspective.

I watched a documentary on the National Geographic channel about how scientists have found a black hole at the center of the Milky Way. Most other galaxies they've looked at also have black holes at their centers. It seems they've been there ever since our galaxies have existed. The scientists also saw that nearby galaxies are drawn to each others' gravity, are pulled by it to circle each other closer and closer until they finally crash into and merge with each other. Suns and planets will crash, burn, die, merge, fuse and be reborn to form a new, bigger galaxy. We are slated for this, as the Milky Way and our neighbor, the Andromeda galaxy will soon begin their own dance of death.

See, I knew that maybe my own little concerns were of no consequence to the life of our world, but I always figured that I somehow had a reason for being here. I figured that my life somehow had a purpose here, that I was somehow meant to be of help to this planet, this world. To know that this world probalby won't exist in a few millenia, well, that totally blew all perspective away.

I know what I'm meant to do with my life. With reference to my own personal fulfillment and duty, I know why I'm here and what I have to do. I just can't figure out what meaning opr value it could have in reference to a world that will soon cease to exist.

I can't help but see the parallelism though between human life and the life of our planet. It is our mortality that gives life meaning. We have to make the most of the limited time we have. It's what makes our time valuable. Apparently the same holds true not only for our race but for all life on Earth.

For Ruy

If you look at the area where the liscense plate is supposed to be, it says "Mr. Romantiko". :-D Remember this discussion, Vicki and Livi?

More on School Supplies

I need a desk. I'm super OC when it comes to studying. Remember my post on hightlighters? I've found a new favorite school supply item: see-through tape flags! They look like highlighter ink when they've been stuck onto paper, but at the same time, they act as tape flags so I can mark my pages and index them on the edge!

Given all that, I need a proper desk to study and work on. :-(

Couch Potato Dreams

I was thinking about how Sky Cable now has this Sky Cable Select package where you can choose only the channels you want to have. I wouldbe perfectly happy with a package of the following (in order of preference):

1. National Geographic
2. HBO
3. Discovery Channel
4. Star Movies
5. CNN
   
6. BBC
7. AXN
8. Star World

(CNN wins over BBC because I love Richard Quest's shows!)

So many great shows on National Geographic the past week. We've watched:

1. A couple of space documentaries, all talking about the Hubble telescope images - beautiful pictures!
2. The Devil's Bible
3. Jesus Revealed
4. In the Womb: Identical Twins
5. forgot the title but something on the top 10 Egyptian discoveries

I've been a bum these past few weeks. It's been a blast!

More on Addictions

In general, I was okay with the Twilight movie. I liked how it was edgy and looked liked a rock music video. Kristen Stewart looks like the Bella I had in my head. I didn't think Rob Pattinson was anywhere near the Edward in my head though and therefore never did him justice, but Rob was a good partner for Kristen in terms of their chemistry. I was okay with the added field trip scene. My main grudge though was that everything happened too fast. If the audience had never read the book, they wouldn't have been able to fully grasp just how powerful everything that was happening actually was. I've heard though that those who didn't read the book liked the movie, so who knows. Even with everything in the movie being too short and moving too fast, the movie still brought back my love and wonder for the book.

I'm surprised just how enduring the pull of the story is for me. I just watched the deleted Edward's bedroom surprise scene and was pulled back into that world of darkness and love and temptation and...addiction. It is an addiction for me. I can focus on other things to take my mind off it for a while - a few months at best. But once I get one whiff of it, the addiction takes hold again. Like all addictions it causes some semblance of pain, but it's a pain that you hope never ends.

OC Minus the C

I've been wondering for a while now if I have an obssessive personality. When my mind gets its grip on something, it's very very hard for me to let go. There are nights when I can't fall asleep until really late because I've started thinking about something and my mind insists on thinking it through to the very end, be it a decision, comprehension or boredom with the topic. Thankfully, sleep-whore me has never had a completely sleepless night ;-) but I digress...

Obsessing about things helped me in the past, especially when it came to corporate work and project management. When you obsess, you see so many little details and you can catch them all. It also means, though, waking up in the middle of the night or early morning to jot down a few more notes and being very tired during the work day because of the lack of sleep.

It's like the Energizer Bunny's gone to town modifying my neurosystem. It's like having the lights on the Las Vegas Strip constantly flashing in your head. It's like coffee nerves without the indulgence of at least having that cup of coffee.

For Vicki

You Are Occasionally a Narcissist

While you have healthy self esteem, you're really not that full of yourself. Compared to most people, you're quite humble! Though occasionally, you can't help and reflect on how great you are. There's nothing wrong with being proud of yourself - as long as you don't let it go to your head!

Are You a Narcissist?

You Are A Thoughtful Idealist

You are scared of new experiences. It's hard for you to break outside of your comfort zone. You like to think that people see you as intellectual and wise. You consider yourself to be very smart. You are a very romantic person. You can't help but see the world as it should be. Right now, you feel very trapped in your life. You often feel like there is no way out of your rut. Overall, your life is calm and steady. Not much stirs you, and each day is full of joy. You feel like the fate of the future partially rests in your hands. You believe you need to help make the world a better place.

The Castle Personality Test

Got this from Vicki.